FW: hard to express

Mom and Dad- 28 Mar 2010

This past week went well. It was a very spiritual and physical
draining one to say the least.

In Zone Conference this week we learned more about setting
baptisms dates and setting goals and making plans. There is a lot that go
into these to topics. We had a workshop where we did role plays in the hopes
of gaining shills that will allow us to build relations with people and find
those who are elect. It was a very insightful workshop that helped me
realize a lot about myself.

As I serve longer and longer I am beginning to see that it is
getting harder and harder to express the knowledge that has been gained. It
seems to be a trend in the church; the Gospel allows us to learn and
understand so much that we can get to points where we don't know how to
articulate what it is that we know and understand. We just had testimony
meeting today and I noticed how almost every person that got up said that
they couldn't put it into words how they felt. They try to use words like "I
am so grateful and thankful" which don't really explain how they feel. But
you can sometimes feel what they mean when they expressing their
thankfulness or gratefulness. As I have recognized this I have gained more
of an appreciation for the Holy Ghost and the role that he plays in
communication. His role in missionary work is essential. People know right
from wrong and when they come in contact with good things they are drawn to
it. If they can feel the Spirit that we as missionaries carry they will be
more likely to be drawn to the message we share. I have really begun to
watch and pay attention to my feelings when being taught and when talking to
others. It's been beneficial these past few days as I have made this a
focus. It has brought a lot of understanding and learning that is difficult
to explain.

It's been a goal of mine to better understand my feelings and
recognize the Spirit; I guess I'm now being lead through the challenges and
trials that are going to make this goal become a blessing that can be given.

I have learned a lot about the law of obedience and sacrifice
here lately. I have been praying for certain blessings and I have begun to
see a pattern in my life. Of course this pattern doesn't apply to every
blessing that is given, but it can in certain instances. Here's the cycle; I
pray for a blessing and set a goal through prayer with God. Here is how he
helps me receive the blessing: he gives me a brief time with that blessing,
allowing me time to learn how to use it; then he puts me through a
challenge, or a trial that requires my faithfulness in using that blessing.
This is where he tests me to see if I really want what I prayed for. This is
where my obedience is tested. When I prove obedient and faithful the
blessing is given. A very simple pattern, but the length and time frame
that this pattern cycles varies from blessing to blessing.

For example; I have prayed for understanding on what I am to
learn with my current companion, and I got my answer. The answer was that I
needed to change the way that I thought about things. I then set a goal to
change the way I think. I was given a few successful days where I was able
to correct my thoughts. After these few days I saw that I could handle
controlling my thoughts and that it was very helpful with every stage in my
life. After those few days with this ability I went through some of the most
mentally challenging times that I have ever had and in those days I was
tested to see if I really wanted what I prayed for. I guess what I'm
describing is the scripture in Ether 12:5 "ye receive no witness until after
the trial of your faith."

It's really funny how God teaches us things that are plainly
taught in the scriptures.

Amy is doing well. This week she brought her sister to church
that really enjoyed it. We are going over to her place tomorrow to teach her
and her grandma. It's going to be really good. She is set and ready to go
for the tenth.

That's all I got for this week. Thank you for your support and
your words of advice.

Love,

Elder Kelly Conrad

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FW: A Very Long Week. Elder Kelly Conrad

Mom and Dad 21 March 2010

This week has been a very draining and rewarding one. We have
gotten a lot done and have begun to set things in order.

So I washed my whites the other day and compared one of my
shirts to one of the shirts of a younger missionary that lives with us and
mine looked more like a grey shirt. "You know you're an old missionary
when..." I'm just thankful that I have all the hair I came out with! There
are a lot of missionaries out here who have started going bald.

We went to Amy H's this week with President Merkley and had
dinner. She had read and did the home work we left her last time and had
questions prepared about the Plan of Salvation. It was so neat to teach and
answer her questions. We set a baptism date for the tenth of April that she
is very excited for. She bought her own set of scriptures and has started
reading the Book of Mormon from the beginning. She's doing really well.

Mom I have been trying to pace myself and follow your advice and
it has really been helping out. Your letter you sent about only "being sharp
when given time to be sharpened" has really helped me put things into
perspective. I guess you can say I have been caught up in the motion of
everything that has been going on and have allowed myself to get pulled into
so many directions that I lost focus on what matter most. Thank you for the
letter.

The things I have learned recently have been lessons concerning
leadership. A lesson I learned awhile ago was that leadership is really
followship. I am not here pushing my own agenda, but to push the Lord's. I
am now learning that if you are really want to do what the Lord wants you to
do its going to take everything out of you to do it. Yes you are made equal
to the task but that doesn't mean that it will be easy. It seems to me that
being made equal in Gods eyes is to figure out the point where you would
break and then He takes you past that point and lets you learn how to be
equal through the Gospel and Jesus Christ. I read an interesting scripture
today while in church. It is in the Doctrines and Covenants section 95 verse
1. It is the answer to my prayers, "Verily, thus saith the Lord unto you
whom I love, and whom I love I also chasten that their sins may be forgiven,
for with the chastisement I prepare a way for their deliverance in all
things out of temptation, and I have loved you-"Basically what I got out of
it was that sometimes the trials I go through are to help me to receive
forgiveness and help to learn a better way of doing things.

I love you and thank you for all that your doing and I thank you
for sharing with me what you're learning. It really helps me out.

Love,

Elder Kelly Conrad

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Traps of the mind Elder Kelly Conrad

I copied and pasted the talk that he mentions here in his email for anyone
interested. Carol Ann

Mom and Dad 15 Mar 2010

Things went well this week. The weather has turned and we are
seeing the sun more, which really makes me happy. Tulsa for the past few
weeks has been a very cloudy and dark place and its kind of made me sad, but
now the suns out! I think we are going to go to the park today and play some
basketball with some other Elders.

I gained a better appreciation for the Apostles and the wisdom they share
with us this week. I have been having another one of those low times that
seem to take me to the breaking point and I have been searching for answers
and understanding. I somehow got a hold of a talk given by Elder Neal A.
Maxwell called "But for a Small Moment" that has really helped me change my
perspective on everything. The talk was given in a BYU devotional. He begins
by talked about his belief that this is a chosen generation and that we will
have to live through some of the most challenging times because we will be
involved in some very important things. He talks about these challenges and
how we are going to have to face them; he gave a brief list of traps that we
can fall into that would impede the process of overcoming these challenges.
As he went over all the traps I realized that I have been stuck in several
of the traps he mentioned. One of the greatest traps that I have been trying
to overcome is the seventh trap that he describes. It is the trap that I
have been in my whole life! He says the trap come from only have one source
for satisfaction. When something changes and there is a loss of the source
that we draw our satisfaction from we are left feeling confused, lost and
discouraged. The way his teaching applies to me is that I have been counting
on only a few certain things for satisfaction and they have worked, but now
because of change, those sources aren't there. I am just beginning to slowly
grasping other sources for satisfaction. Reading this talk has changed the
way I look at everything and has helped me put things into proper
perspective. I have set some goals and made plans on how to become and stay
a better rounded person and not be too excessive in anything. It was a very
eye opening read.

Things are going well, I am keeping my exercising up and my diet healthy and
I have seen change in things.

I can't tell you how happy I am that you aren't planning on selling the
house! I'm glad that you made that choice!

Love

Elder Kelly Conrad

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working together Elder Kelly Conrad

Mom and Dad 08 Mar 2010

The week went well, we had a lot go on and with transfers coming
up this week we have had our hand full. I'm staying here with Elder Hancock
in Tulsa for this transfer, and I'm excited for it. We have really been
working things out and figuring out what it is that we are to do be learning
form each other.

We went and taught Amy this week. Things were a lot better, the
lesson was more Spirit lead and we were able to get across what it was that
she needed. We taught in unity and we were more focused. She is so sweet!
She is one of the Elect of God that will be a Kingdom builder. The reason I
know that was because of how our first lesson went with her. Elder Hancock
and I were totally dis-unified and wanting to take things different ways and
it really clashed in the lesson. Even with our clashing she still was very
excited about the Church and the Book of Mormon. She even told us that she
had been praying about the Book of Mormon before she even met with us. I'm
way excited to see how things go for her.

This clashing lesson created a rift in our companionship. You
can say that there is a lot expected out of us, and along with that we
expect a lot out of ourselves, which can very easily create frustration with
each other. More often then not, like in most companionships, one companion
takes it out on the other companion and vis vesrsa. This has been the case
many times for us. We have worked a lot though and have begun to understand
that we are too high strung and that if we aren't watchful of our thoughts
and actions that we will allow satan to enter in the companioship and reek
havic. Never in my life have I had to be so focused and mindful. It seems
like we need the most protection that we can get and if we allow ourselves
to think critically of each other we will be left alone "to fight against
the pricks." Well last night while taking our Sunday night phone calls we
had a "sit down" where we laid things all out. It was very helpful for the
both of us. We were able to talk things through and speak our minds and feel
like we were being listened to. The things that I have been learning while
serving with Elder Hancock are helping me overcome all the barriers that I
have had before my mission. The learnings will be the principles and tools
that I will use for the rest of my life!

Here is a funny experience that I had on my exchanges with Elder
Erbe. While we were finding we went to this door that we felt impressed to
knock. A young lady whose name was Rebecca answered. Normally while
introducing myself to others I can think of a question to ask that will get
the person to lighten and open up, but this time I got nothing after
introducing myself, and after an awkward moment all I thought was to ask
her, "How old are you?" It wasn't my best first impression. She responded
and told me that I can't just go around and ask women how old they are. I
tried my best to explain away why I asked that by telling her about how
being younger gives us an opportunity to learn more. It was the lamest
explaination that I could have ever given and I could tell that she wasn't
falling for it. It was a good thing that Elder Erbe spoke up soon and saved
the conversation, because I was failing horribly. When we were done with the
conversation we left her with a Book of Mormon and had set up a return
appointment. It sure wasn't my most tackful moment, but it helped me
realize how this is God's work, and that no matter how silly His
missionaries are He can still use us all. It's the heart that matters, not
necessarily the lips.

That's it for this week. We have a lot going on this coming week
but I'm way excited.

Love

Elder Kelly Conrad

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FW: New Missionary Day Elder Kelly Conrad

Mom and Dad 01 Mar 2010

Things have been going really well this past week. We have had a pretty busy
week with exchanges and other things. This past Sunday we found a new
investigator that has really been prepared. Her name is Amy. She came right
into church and after my companion talked to her she set up a dinner
appointment with us for tomorrow. I'm super nervous about it. I can always
tell when lessons are going to really be important by the way I feel when I
prepare myself for them. It's always the ones that have great potential and
ones that you don't want to make any mistakes. So I will have to let you
know how it goes in my next email.

I have really been learning more about myself then anything here lately. My
trials have normally tested my missionary skills in teaching, finding, or
learning the Gospel, but here lately the trials have been testing who I
really am as a person. I am seeing how I deal with situations that are
frustrating, like the fact that the schedule isn't friendly to certain
aspects of my life that I used to have. We have taken a piece out of your
council in your last letter and began to pace ourselves. Now that we have
been doing this I feel like things are being accomplished.

Here are something's that have been hard to fit into the schedule, exercise,
studies, eating habits and planning. I have begun using the calendar that
Megan and Joe sent me to track everything that I do. I have the next month
planned out, everything from what exercise I will be doing, to what I'll be
eating and where I am going to be. Every Sunday night I sit down and review
what I'm doing and will adjust things when needed. It has really been
helping out. As I plan better I can see where and how I can stretch myself.

I have had several thoughts about what I'm to keep learning here and I
figure that the more organized I get the better it will be for the future.
I'm learning how to be a self motivated person.

I had a very unique experience this past Sunday. When missionaries first
come into the Oklahoma Tulsa Mission the first few days are spent training.
One of the days training includes going out with missionaries and having the
first experience as a new missionary. We call it "New Missionary Day." Well,
on my "New Missionary Day" I went out with Elder Gass, who would later
become my District leader in Miami and one of my best friends. He was
serving in the New Haven area at the time and he took me to some people here
to teach. For our second appointment we went to a less actives house to
teach about faith. I remember the lesson because of the way I felt after the
lesson. While teaching this less active Sister she kept telling us the she
couldn't change and that there was nothing that could be done for her. I
tried teaching her from the scriptures and trying to convey to her that she
could change and that faith in Jesus Christ can do anything. I remember
distinctively her remarks back to me telling me that not even faith in
Christ could help her and that I was wrong. After she rebuked me for what I
taught I stayed very quiet and timid. The experience I had at this
appointment has had an impact on every teaching appointment for the most
part of my mission because I have always been afraid of offending anyone
like that again. Well last Sunday I talked to a brother about a family that
was a part- member. This Brother told me that he was the home teacher to
this family and that he was going to their home after church and invited us
to go with him. So after church we hopped into his truck and went with him.
I didn't really know where we were going but as we got to the house and
started to walk up to the door things started to come back to me. I leaned
over to Elder Hancock and told him that I had been to this house before 18
months ago with Elder Gass. I thought for a second about the first
experience that I had at this house and wondered why I was here again. I
figure that nothing good was going to happen. As we walked in the house I
wasn't really sure what to think, but as we talked to this Sister it was
very evident that we weren't there to do what was originally hoped for.
This Sister's life is not much different from what it was like several
months ago; in fact it is even worse. I learned a lot from just sitting
there and listening to her go off about things. I saw the growth that I have
made this far in the mission. I wasn't very shy or timid this time around
while talking to her and didn't take what she said so hard. It was a really
powerful teaching moment for me.

I am always amazed at what the Lord can do in order to teach us things. He
can use anything to teach us, what makes the difference is if we are
listening and willing to learn.

Well that's all for this week. I love you and thank you for all that you are
doing for me.

Love,

Elder Kelly Conrad

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