Letter of encouragement from Mom

Dear Son,

I hear how painful sometimes it gets inside for you as you struggling with feelings of worth and adequacy. That fears take over and worry about how you might be to others, if they see you through your negative view of yourself at times and when you look at yourself that way you feel ashamed and unworthy, not good enough. You wonder if they see those things and thus fear their reactions. It becomes an internal negative pattern where you then withdraw from others and emotionally beat on yourself, creating an “unconquerable enemy” as you might recall Splinter telling the Ninja turtles. There is no relief if you are your own enemy.

Yes, of course you have failings and inadequacies. Of course you are not perfect. Sometimes people in their own fears of self-inadequacy can project that onto you and you can then feel like you’re not good enough to them and shrink away, withdrawing from them as well. However, it is their own stuff, not yours, just as your stuff is really yours, not them.

While you feel that maybe you could have done more to learn about yourself through counseling when you were younger, you are now facing these terribly painful internal feelings here on your mission and using your failure in the past to beat yourself even more.

You are where you are Kelly. It is where it is, it is good enough, YOU are good enough—faults and all, you are His and He is yours. The Lord qualifies you for the work, you don’t. Your job is to be compassionate with others—including yourself. The scriptures contain all the “counseling” you will need here on your mission. I was preparing a lesson this morning for R.S. and came across this quote by Elder Eyring from last year’s conference talk, I include the part that I think might be of help. I encourage you to ponder deeply about this meaning and then apply it to yourself. The Lord will give you the relief you need from the painful internal negative self-talk if you allow charity to cover you from the Savior and from yourself.

The Apostle Paul was telling us how to love in a world of imperfect people, including ourselves, when he said, “Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil” (1 Corinthians 13:4–5). And then he gave solemn warning against reacting to the faults of others and forgetting our own when he wrote, “For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known” (1 Corinthians 13:12).

Please know that your father and I, even in our many, many imperfections, trust you, know you are doing the Lord’s work with all your heart and it is more than good enough. It is what you have to give, and the Lord will bless you for it. Humble yourself, let Him succor you from your internal pain. Relief will come as you bend your will, give up your fears and risk turning to him even though you want to hide.

All my love,

Your mother

Ps/ did you get your box of “12 days” of Christmas? 3 of those items were given by Sister Ballentine. I think Clarissa is going to be sending 3 at the end of the 12 days so you should be receiving an added bonusJ I didn’t put instructions in, but you are suppose to only open one day at a time (you probably figured that outJ mom